It's hard emerging from the hermit-type shell we retreat into as we grieve. Some things make it easy like support from family and friends, taking different steps in our new life, meeting people who accept us just as we are, in spite of how we appear or act. Doing a massage course was a huge thing for me, it meant leaving my cave, travelling on buses to places I didn't know and the inherent feeling that I didn't belong in the outside world. To say I was shaky to begin with was an understatement, but here I am at eight weeks into my course and so far I'm surviving.
I've met some lovely people, made new friends and the world doesn't seem such an overwhelming place after all...oh, alright, sometimes it is. Six weeks in I had an experience that rocked my world, that also made me realise how far I've come.
I was discussing with a fellow student about the pros and cons of suicide. I personally don't believe in it, but I realise some people feel they have no other options and I can empathise with them completely. I won't go into the details of this conversation, but it did make me remember how helpless and hopeless I once felt. I know I would try quite often to 'create' an accident so I could leave this world without anyone knowing it was of my own doing, but I am well past this now. It was because of this knowledge and experience, I was able to recognise that self-destructiveness in another.
Later when I thought about it, I sighed thinking, 'Well, six weeks out in the world and look what's happened!'. Two weeks later, I'm thinking, 'How nice I was out in the world and able to help someone else!'
I've met some lovely people, made new friends and the world doesn't seem such an overwhelming place after all...oh, alright, sometimes it is. Six weeks in I had an experience that rocked my world, that also made me realise how far I've come.
I was discussing with a fellow student about the pros and cons of suicide. I personally don't believe in it, but I realise some people feel they have no other options and I can empathise with them completely. I won't go into the details of this conversation, but it did make me remember how helpless and hopeless I once felt. I know I would try quite often to 'create' an accident so I could leave this world without anyone knowing it was of my own doing, but I am well past this now. It was because of this knowledge and experience, I was able to recognise that self-destructiveness in another.
Later when I thought about it, I sighed thinking, 'Well, six weeks out in the world and look what's happened!'. Two weeks later, I'm thinking, 'How nice I was out in the world and able to help someone else!'
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