I miss holding hands as we walked, brushing against each other, sharing secret jokes or being teased for wanting to buy some silly item just 'cos it was on special. Hell, I even miss arguing at the supermarket over the cost of groceries!
Here I sit at a table eating lunch, watching all those other happy couples, thinking how much I miss Butch, nodding and smiling at the person across from me. How can no one see I am dying inside as I look around, acting as if nothing is wrong? Can't anyone see that my heart is coming apart at the seams?
How do I cope with this? Do I spend the rest of my life hiding away from everyone so I don't have to be so miserable about other people's happiness? I tried that for a while, it didn't work. It made me feel even more isolated and alone. I try to ignore them as I wander around the mall, but my eyes are drawn like magnets, as if they enjoy twisting the knife in my heart.
I don't have any answers, so I just put on my 'happy mask' so the person with me can't see the pain in my eyes, and I pray I can go back to my haven, my home soon...